Saturday, November 24, 2012
Childhood Connections to Play
First, a few quotes about the importance of play
In our play we reveal what kind of people we are.
Ovid
Roman poet
43 BC–17 or 18 AD
http://www.thestrong.org/about-play/play-quotes
“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
George Bernard Shaw
http://planningwithkids.com/2009/04/14/10-quotes-on-the-importance-of-play/
When we stop playing, we stop experiencing life. Playing is practicing life.
A child loves his play, not because it’s easy, but because it’s hard.
Benjamin Spock
American pediatrician
1903–1998
http://www.thestrong.org/about-play/play-quotes
Especially at a young age, it’s hard not to have your feelings hurt when playing with others. Playing is hard because it involves the discovery of unknown; discovering who one is through feelings that emerge from playing with others. Children seek the company of others because they instinctively know that it is through others’ eyes they will see a reflection of who they are. Conversely, Chomsky’s theory on language development in children proposes children’s innate ability to learn a language.
Human beings need pleasure the way they need vitamins.
Lionel Tiger
Contemporary Canadian anthropologist
http://www.thestrong.org/about-play/play-quotes
A society where pleasure only retains its sexual application, forgets that pleasure is the result of the communion of body and soul. This communion creates a sense of belonging to the universe and gives purpose to life.
I believe that those boys who take part in rough, hard play outside of school will not find any need for horse-play in school.
Theodore Roosevelt
American president
1858–1919
http://www.thestrong.org/about-play/play-quotes
A hush society where children are expected to behave like adults at home and at school like grown-ups, forgets that one must explore all aspects of the personality. Since Theodore Roosevelt’s time, children’s life changed a lot. Cities and society need to provide recreational spaces for children to play, more parks with jungle gyms, more gyms for kids, more sports opportunities, more affordable after school high quality day care centers, etc.
Three essential play items for my younger self
Imagination/Enjoying being with oneself
This cube puzzle is a must because I spent hours dreaming on each picture of each cube and making my own stories of the movies that I had never seen.
Freedom/Feeling independent and in control
This is freedom on the move!
Self-Taught Hunter! Learning about and respecting nature
Food is bountiful in the yard and in nature.
Parks, gardens, and yards are places where children can experience Mother Nature, and learn how resilient, interesting and yummy life can be.
People who supported me
At about 4 years of age, I enjoyed imitating old people. There is one photo where I am walking half bent over a stick, wearing a scarf, and glowing from the enjoyment of making people laugh. In fact, my mother also on the photo is watching me and someone else was taking the picture. My mother is the one who supported me throughout my childhood in play as well as academics. She also was playful and I learned from her to take joy out of anything that life brought. I remember one very special evening where my mother desperately tried every strategy to make me understand some calculation. As I started seeing the humor and feeling the embarrassment of being so stubborn in the instant, laughter got hold of me and enraged my mom. The more she became enraged, the more I laughed. We both remembered the absurdity of the situation and had a good laugh whenever we reminisced about it. I think we were able to change a potential confrontation in play time where both of us understood that the time spent together, bonding, was the gift of the moment.
In high school, my mother also supported my joining the after school drama program. Dealing with his own preconceived ideas, my father could not encourage me at first. Through theater plays, I explored personalities that contributed shaping the woman I became.
Allowing life to express itself through play is showing unconditional love.
Is play different today than it was before?
When I remember the hours spent with my cube puzzle and how this supposedly idle time developed my imagination, I wish I had been more skilled at communicating this feeling to my high school students who had difficulty creating an imaginary scene. Of course, times have changed, entertainment is readily available, and pretending that this temptation does not exist would be foolish. However, creating time and space (don’t they go together?) where children can figure out what to do is an amazing gift to them. Surely, the famous phrase “I’m bored” will be uttered, but soon enough children will be engaged in an activity of their own creation. Because they will have tapped into their own resources, children will have strengthened their self-esteem, feel proud, and have gained a sense of autonomy.
Role of play through childhood and adulthood
Play is an integral part of my day. Playing brings me laughter and harmony with my surroundings. A day without laughing or playing is a day lost to feeling in sync with the universe. Customarily, light hearted people are seen as shallow yet I am wondering if there is any truth to the other popular thought that clowns are deep thinkers .
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Relationship Reflection
"Human relationships, and the effects of relationships on relationships, are the building blocks of healthy development" (Shonkoff & Phillips, 2000, p. 4)
Just in time to prevent a marriage disaster, I attended a workshop focusing on childhood and relationships. One of the assignments required calling three people who had positively impacted my life and three people whose relationships had been negative and painful. Of these three painful relationships, I had to identify the hurt and understand the reason I allowed the hurt to occur because somewhere in the relationship would lie some medicine that could bring growth to my life. In addition, the mentor also requested that I thank these people with whom I had entertained these unkind relationships, or when it came to my brother in law I had to say “I love you”. Firmly decided to carry through with this assignment, I came back home for lunch one day to have a chance to catch my brother in law who lived in Cameroun at the time. Unexpectedly, he picked up the phone in turn surprised to hear my voice. I briefly informed him of the workshop and that I had something to tell him about our relationship. Interrupting me before I could explain exactly the purpose of my phone call, he said with his usual sarcastic demonstrations of love, or so it feels to me, “I love you too, silly”. In disbelief but alleviated from the burden of having to scorch my lips with the words I LOVE YOU to my brother in law, I considered that the universe had come to my rescue and that it was alright to vicariously complete my assignment through his words.
In the relationship described above, I learned that the pain and discomfort endured since the age of ten years old came from my inability and lack of help to sort out my feelings and emotions. Still to this day, it takes tremendous efforts to rise above feelings and emotions. Although now, feelings and emotions are consciously explored and redirected to positively affect my life. Chiefly, the scar left by this open wound pointed out that adults, parents, caregivers and teachers need to pay close attention to children’s feelings, encourage them to express their feelings, and together explore them.
On the other hand, some parents think that sheltering their children from any negative outcomes will promote self-esteem and strong personalities. In this case, it is teachers’ duty to tactfully teach both parents and children that feelings are a person’s building blocks that need examination and comprehension much like construction workers make sure that the material they use will withstand inclement weather conditions (Shonkoff & Phillips, 200).
Thanks to feedback provided by others, one can understand who they are and shape their personality. Through play, children express their understanding of how society works, experiment with personas, and little by little shape the person that they want to become. Through relationships, they learn to trust themselves and trust others.
Similarly, books offer myriads of possible relationships and connections that can bring lifelong support and/or transformative. Everyone remembers the fox in The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry who gave the young boy the recipe on how to develop friendship.
Most importantly, I am deeply engaged in relationships with my husband and my daughter. Even though these relationships have been built over a long period of time, they require “Tender Loving Care” because they have become rich and we all hope that we have learned from past mistakes.
When our daughter entered her teenage years, my husband and I differently perceived how we could help her. Tensions started to build between the two of us and divorce was looming in the horizon. Our relationship was saved because we both decided to work on our very relationship as its own entity. Since then, we have supported each other in fulfilling our lives. In other terms, we outgrew our childhood and started to relate as respectful adults. This relationship brings me trust, support, love and care.
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