Relationship Reflection

"Human relationships, and the effects of relationships on relationships, are the building blocks of healthy development" (Shonkoff & Phillips, 2000, p. 4)

Just in time to prevent a marriage disaster, I attended a workshop focusing on childhood and relationships. One of the assignments required calling three people who had positively impacted my life and three people whose relationships had been negative and painful. Of these three painful relationships, I had to identify the hurt and understand the reason I allowed the hurt to occur because somewhere in the relationship would lie some medicine that could bring growth to my life. In addition, the mentor also requested that I thank these people with whom I had entertained these unkind relationships, or when it came to my brother in law I had to say “I love you”. Firmly decided to carry through with this assignment, I came back home for lunch one day to have a chance to catch my brother in law who lived in Cameroun at the time. Unexpectedly, he picked up the phone in turn surprised to hear my voice. I briefly informed him of the workshop and that I had something to tell him about our relationship. Interrupting me before I could explain exactly the purpose of my phone call, he said with his usual sarcastic demonstrations of love, or so it feels to me, “I love you too, silly”. In disbelief but alleviated from the burden of having to scorch my lips with the words I LOVE YOU to my brother in law, I considered that the universe had come to my rescue and that it was alright to vicariously complete my assignment through his words.
In the relationship described above, I learned that the pain and discomfort endured since the age of ten years old came from my inability and lack of help to sort out my feelings and emotions. Still to this day, it takes tremendous efforts to rise above feelings and emotions. Although now, feelings and emotions are consciously explored and redirected to positively affect my life. Chiefly, the scar left by this open wound pointed out that adults, parents, caregivers and teachers need to pay close attention to children’s feelings, encourage them to express their feelings, and together explore them.
On the other hand, some parents think that sheltering their children from any negative outcomes will promote self-esteem and strong personalities. In this case, it is teachers’ duty to tactfully teach both parents and children that feelings are a person’s building blocks that need examination and comprehension much like construction workers make sure that the material they use will withstand inclement weather conditions (Shonkoff & Phillips, 200).
Thanks to feedback provided by others, one can understand who they are and shape their personality. Through play, children express their understanding of how society works, experiment with personas, and little by little shape the person that they want to become. Through relationships, they learn to trust themselves and trust others.
Similarly, books offer myriads of possible relationships and connections that can bring lifelong support and/or transformative. Everyone remembers the fox in The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry who gave the young boy the recipe on how to develop friendship.
Most importantly, I am deeply engaged in relationships with my husband and my daughter. Even though these relationships have been built over a long period of time, they require “Tender Loving Care” because they have become rich and we all hope that we have learned from past mistakes.
When our daughter entered her teenage years, my husband and I differently perceived how we could help her. Tensions started to build between the two of us and divorce was looming in the horizon. Our relationship was saved because we both decided to work on our very relationship as its own entity. Since then, we have supported each other in fulfilling our lives. In other terms, we outgrew our childhood and started to relate as respectful adults. This relationship brings me trust, support, love and care.