My Family Culture

My father asked each of his daughters what they wanted to have from their mother. Our mother had just passed away. When my mother would wear her new watch, she was very proud and beamed of happiness as if the watch gave my mother renewed strength and hopes to better perform against her illness. The faithful tic-tac of my mom’s watch made feel close to her almost as if she was talking to me. Her passing taught me that even what you hold the dearest to your heart only lasts for a while and that no memorabilia can ever replace one’s loss. With this in mind, what 3 things would I take with me if I had to leave everything else behind? No doubt that I would take a picture of my family portraying my husband, my daughter and her husband, and my pets (2 of which were rescued by our daughter). Also, I would take a small round mirror with the picture of my 6 years old daughter wearing pig tails with red ribbons and a big smile with a missing tooth, and saying how much she loves life. The third thing I would want to travel with is a tiny envelop with ashes materialized by Sai Baba wrapped up with a horse hair that my daughter found on the ground of a ranch and offered me.    First, the photo of my family will remind me of my identity, who I am. It will also serve as my support in times of hardship when I think that nobody understands me and my life feels unreal. The photo will ground me, tell me that in the past I lived in circumstances where I had a family, with people who loved me and understood me. The photo of my family is a link to sanity. Perhaps, my hosts will be interested in learning about new ways and with this picture in hand; I will be able to explain my family culture and that of the dominant culture at the time. Secondly, the mirror connects to a past where my family had recently moved to California and we were all learning new ways. My daughter was wearing a charming white dress with tiny red dots that were passed on by the school director whose daughters had enjoyed wearing. This was a time of happiness, discovery, and learning. Third, my husband met our friend in an astronomy association in France. Both families shared similar interests and our relationship developed over the following six months after which we moved to the U.S. As a practitioner of Hinduism, he went to India a few times and once brought back a couple of tiny envelopes filled with ashes that Sai Baba manifested in one of his celebrations.  This item connects my family to the past and the future, to the visible and invisible, and is bound by a strong tie to life with the horse hair, a tie to our daughter who was then a teenager and on her way to becoming a responsible adult. In summary, the above represents what my family went through, the culture we have developed, and the ties that bound us together. If I had to involuntary leave my home for any reason, I would question the instructions. Therefore, if I were told that of the three items I could only bring one, I would be disappointed but not too surprised. Of the three items, I would cherish the most the photo of the people closest to me. By and large, this exercise revealed that my family’s culture is not centered on “race, ethnicity, religion, class, parenting patterns, economic, and language” as I used to think (Laureate, Inc, 2011). Undoubtedly, those aspects of culture are factored into my family’s culture but what came out of this exercise is that my family is more dependent on building relationships through interests in human nature, than on cultural differences. It seems to me that showing an interest in children and families’ culture should start from a genuine interest in people: children and their families. To my surprise, love of one’s family and relationships took the precedence over all other aspects of culture. What I learned from taking on the role of a refugee in a place where my culture and perhaps language were unknown highlighted that being recognized and valued as a whole complex human being was crucial to my well-being. Since I had lost everything else, my new hosts would serve me well if they showed genuine interest and compassion in everything I may represent for them. If they wanted to create another relationship where their culture and mine would mesh, I would be honored as being the foundation of our new relationship.