Who Am I As a Communicator?

 

For this exercise, I asked my husband and a long time friend to answer the three questionnaires and to evaluate my level of anxiety, verbal aggressiveness, and listening when I communicate. The thought that their answers would be different than mine build up some anxiety since I knew I would interpret the results as reflecting the truth with more accuracy.  
Although I was a little concerned that my husband’s results would differ from mine and reflect recent disagreements, his results lined up with my friend’s and mine, to the exception of communication anxiety that my husband evaluated at a moderate level whereas my friend and I entered the mild category. The similarities of results surprised me the most since I have a tendency to doubt myself.

   

According to O’Hair, & Wiemann (2012) “We all have a unique way of perceiving ourselves, others, and the world around us, and we communicate with others based on those perceptions” (p. 36). This little bit of information explains a lot about the hardships of this world. Whenever my sisters and I speak about our childhood, we always chuckle because it seems that we have had three different mothers and three different fathers. Today, we are able to speak about our childhood peacefully when unnamed/unknown emotions, feelings, and sensitivities prevent us from talking about our different points of view. 

With the goal of communicating more fairly and accurately, I must make sure that my personal schema or “mental structures” that are used “to connect bits of information together” does not get in the way of truly investigating who people truly are (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p. 37). I, as educator, must be aware of my how I assess the world and sift through personal schemas that prevent me from developing a meaningful relationship with families (O’Hair, & Wiemann).

 

 

In the end, self-monitoring or “watching our environment and others in it for cues as to how to present ourselves in particular situations” appears the best strategy to follow to establish positive relationships (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p. 55)

 Reference

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

 

How we communicate differently with different groups of people

Chameleons 

 

 

Definitions according to the (edited) Urban Dictionary

1.      A person who adjusts themselves to fit into whatever happens to be cool at the moment. Includes their appearance, their interests, their opinions, their personalities, often referred to as 'scenesters' 'try-too-hards' or 'idiots'.

2.      (v.) to take on the personality of the person you're with at the moment. This is either done subconsciously, or as a sad attempt to make people like you
(n.) a person who chameleons on a regular basis (i.e. they act different for every person they hang out with)

3.      A person who tries to blend in with a certain crowd, usually preps, just to get the satisfaction of being cool. Of course, they are just fooling themselves that they have a life and are at all interesting.

4.      A chameleon is a middle-sized reptile that can change colors.
They are rather bizarre-looking, because their eyes can point in different directions.
They are famous for their ability to change their color to match their surroundings, hence the nickname, "Chameleon" given to anyone who changes with what's "Popular".

5.      (v.) to take on the personality of the person you're with at the moment. this is either done subconsciously, or as a sad attempt to make people like you
(n.) a person who chameleons on a regular basis (i.e. they act different for every person they hang out with).

When I first read the question for this week’s blog “Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups of cultures?” the picture of a chameleon came to mind because I know that I behave differently with different groups of people.

       Similarly to the aforementioned definitions of the word chameleon, I can talk about people’s favorite subjects to look cool and/or try to match someone’s personality to feel I am one of them. Making efforts to fit in would be fine if I were able to communicate my true feelings and ideas. Whenever I am caught in one of these strategies, I feel uncomfortable with my surroundings; therefore I am unable to be true to myself because what I communicate is not an accurate picture of who I am and what I am capable of.

        It seems fair to think that families from diverse backgrounds may potentially feel uncomfortable when meeting their children’s teachers and may communicate differently than if they were in a more natural environment. Educators must keep in mind that families need to feel safe and at ease in order to become effective collaborators in their children’s school life.       

Although what I have described above seems extreme, this is how it feels and negative feelings take a long longer to change. Since practicing awareness and re-directing of those feelings provides relief, the Platinum Rule is the first strategy I will use to communicate with families, colleagues, and administration and government agencies (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011). The Platinum Rule is the passport that provides needed tool to become an effective communicator in diverse groups.  

With this strategy, I do not need to hide behind superfluous language. I can actively listen to speakers and learn from them the best way to communicate with them (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012). If my goal is to actively listen to people, the thought of matching those people’s personalities will not manifest for lack of opportunity. Once those two feelings of discomfort have receded, I will have access to my own cultural myopia.

Interestingly, the chameleon qualities have changed since there is no more the need to “change color to match the surroundings” (Urban Dictionary, 2013). Rather, I need to peel off layers of negative feelings of discomfort because they prevent me from having access to my own cultural myopia. Thus, developing an ongoing awareness of my cultural myopia is the third strategy I would use to communicate more effectively with those groups of people (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012). The phrase “cultural myopia” clearly expresses nearsightedness that may increase if not treated in an ever changing society. If the myopia is treated, new lenses help one see the richness in other cultures (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012).

Reference

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication:

            Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

 O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real Communication:  An Introduction. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

 

 

 

 

Nonverbal Communication – A “Real Housewives of Orange County” Investigation

 

 

 

The Protagonists

 

 

As I was surfing the TV this morning in search of a show I am not familiar with, I stopped on Bravo where the show “Real Housewives of Orange County” had just started. Since I had tried to watch an episode a couple of years ago and could not stand more than a few minutes, I thought I would try again and see what I could understand from only looking at the women’s body language. After the second commercial break, the topic of the episode became clear and the bachelorette party started. Obviously, this episode presents some inappropriateness that I will omit in the narrative since they do not add meaning.

Although I am not familiar with this TV series, I know that the protagonists are neighbors (I think) who have become friends or somewhat involved in each other’s lives. When I switched to Bravo, I knew that the two women conversing on the beach were friends or at least close acquaintances. As one woman was talking and sobbing at times, the other woman would show her empathy and comfort her by patting her friend’s hand, face and hair. However, not much warmth radiated from this friendship touch which made me think that they operated from a formal dimension perspective (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012).  The crying woman was wearing a sash across her shoulder exhibiting the word Bachelorette. Had she broken up with her fiancé?

After the first commercial break, the scene opens in a restaurant where a man and a woman are having dinner (I could not tell you if the woman was the bachelorette). The man was the more expressive of the two, rolling his eyes (disagreement), shaking his head (denial), smirking (contempt), laughing (affiliation), and sighing (hopelessness). Could it be that the situational context of their conversation prevented the man from exploding (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012)? On the other side of the table, the woman is doing the talking, speaking fast and at one point reinforcing her message by raising her hands in sign of resignation (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012).

When the episode resumed after the second commercial, six women had gathered around a well-dressed table. Right after the chef served the first course, one of the women left the table and returned with a present that she gave the bachelorette who readily opened it. What followed was a series of gaping mouths expressing disbelief at each new gift, hands covering the eyes, laughter, and hands clapping.  

Then, I turned on the sound and watched from the beginning. To my surprise, what made the woman cry was the story of a friend who had committed suicide. This is the only time in the short while I watched that the nonverbal communication felt genuine and expressed “spontaneous feelings” (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012).

            If I were watching that TV series on a regular basis, I would probably have made another assumptions since I would have been familiar with the plot and the story of each of the characters. Had I been watching one of my favorite shows, my assumptions would have been more correct since I would be much more familiar with each character’s personality, M. O.s, modus operandi, and nonverbal communication behaviors such as body language and facial expressions.

This interesting exercise shattered my belief that body language and facial expressions add meaning to a conversation. Watching less than 15 minutes of “Real Housewives of Orange County” made it clear that the characters’ facial expressions and hand gestures were emphasizing feelings that they were trying hard to experience such as surprise and happiness. In O’Hair and Wiemann’s Real Communication (2012), students learned that nonverbal communication is often spontaneous and unintentional. When I watched the silent show, affect displays appeared fake, intentional, and not spontaneous. However, in “Real Housewives of OC” the affect displays are intentional and not spontaneous, almost looking like masking or “expression that shows an appropriate feeling for a given interaction (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012).  

References

Dunlop, S. (Program Creator).  (2006). Dirty Dancing in Mexico [Real Housewives of Orange County series episode]. In Ross, D., Stewart, G., French, K., Lee, K., Dunlop, S. (Executive Producers), Real Housewives of Orange County. California: Bravo, Original Channel.

O'- Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Best Communicator

   Do you get me?

Truly! Who else can catch adults' attention better than babies? They make cooing sounds, they gesture, and imitate. They tell us how they feel and want to please us, and be our friends. In other words, babies love us and trust the communicator in front of them will take care of them. Babies make incredible efforts to communicate with their world and learn exponentially fast the language they hear people talk. Considering how prosperous societies throughout the world have been, it is easy to say that babies have made through the worst circumstances and have prevailed to make today's society.
There is still so much to learn from babies.

UNITED NATIONS — Secretary-General Kofi Annan selected former President Bill Clinton to be the United Nations’ point man for tsunami reconstruction Tuesday, saying no one could better ensure that the world did not forget the needs of the countries devastated by the disaster the day after Christmas (Associated, updated 2/1/2005). 
 

President Clinton with a government more to the right of his party was able to negotiate and get laws passed. Although exercising his communicator’s talents in a growing economy, the competent communicator, Bill Clinton, masterfully used verbal and non-verbal behavior communication to articulate social, relational, and cultural contexts into speeches, conferences, debates, etc., and create support. Here is an extract of the article written by Richard S. Conley (2001), emphasizing Clinton's skills at bringing dissenting people together: 

“This article argues for a more refined conceptualization of presidential success relative to the veto power by incorporating the political dimensions of “blame-game” politics (Groseclose and McCarty 2001) between the branches. The objective is to demonstrate Clinton’s ability to manipulate “strategic disagreement” (Gilmour 1995) with the GOP majority in Congress from 1995-96 and address the implications for formal models of inter-branch bargaining. The “coordination” model, with a focus on spatial analysis of policy positions between the branches, yields an incomplete understanding of veto politics and executive-legislative conflict from 1995- 2000. While Cameron (2000) makes the case that blame-game politics are anomalous for the period he studies,1 such a contention does not fit the context of presidential-congressional relations in the 104th Congress particularly well. While neither the GOP congressional majority nor Clinton necessarily set out to engage in high-stakes, blame-game politics, political considerations— particularly electoral motivations— pushed both sides toward such a strategy when budget negotiations produced stalemate. The unique context of executive-legislative conflict from 1995-96, I argue, laid the groundwork for a return to “normal” modes of bargaining in Clinton’s second term which comport better with the assumptions of the coordination model” (2001).

Although Clinton breached the NAC communication principle “Truthfulness, accuracy, honesty, and reason as essential to the integrity of communication” when he lied about his affair with Lewinski, one can wonder how they would have reacted if they knew the whole world would learn about their trivial behavior. However, was the lie necessary?

Clearly, I would love to have some of President Clinton’s communication skills: ever regenerating passion and trust for people and justice, knowledge of his time and society.

Reference

Conley, R., S., (2001). President Clinton and the Republican Congress, 1995-2000:

Political and Policy Dimensions of Veto Politics in Divided Government. Department of Political Science. University of Florida. Retrieved from:

http://web.clas.ufl.edu/users/rconley/Clintonvetoespaper.pdf

A Special Note of Thanks

Dear Dr. Snider,
The class on Diversity, Equity, and Social Justice has exponentially broaden my understanding of diversity and equity, and I am in disbelief on how narrow minded I was before taking this course!
I am also very grateful for being a lot more prepared to welcome 21st century children and their families.
Thank you for your class and words of encouragements!
MarieFrance