A Note of Thanks

Dear Dr. Hampshire,

This course affected me in surprising ways! Unexpectedly, I gained self-confidence and self-esteem through learning how I communicate and uncovering what gets in my way of being an effective leader.

Thank you for your support and for pushing the boundaries of the mind!

Warmly,

MarieFrance

Farewell and Good Luck!

It has been a pleasure exchanging ideas with you, my colleagues. There is so much passion and love in your writings for children and your profession!

Thank you for sharing your professional experience! I am privileged to have been part of your study group and feel that your expertise has rubbed off on me.

I hope we stay in touch via blogs or emails.

Here is my personal email: mfmariefrance@yahoo.com

All the best!

Marie

As a personal closure to blogging on communication and collaboration, I chose to post a few highlights from my reflection paper. For me, it is important to finish the course and to observe how it affected me. 

In many regards, this class was challenging for me. Taking an honest look at the kind of communicator and leader I am, implied wrestling with the fear of discovering that self-inflicted negative judgments, i.e. not having the courage to speak up or come across as authoritarian rather than authoritative, are true. For the first three weeks, learning about my communication short comings was unsettling since I could run mental movies of past events when I was in uncomfortable communication situations and quickly wanted to think about something more pleasant. 
 

However, this exercise was necessary to raise my awareness on what I need to understand better about myself in order to better communicate. Learning how much schemas and self-perception influence the way one communicates was eye opening. Although I knew that one’s life circumstances impact behavior and emotional balance, further exploring the self was at times overwhelming but I came out of this introspection with greater self-confidence since I gained perspective on my communication skills.  

                                                 It is just perspective!

In the end, this class was more effective than psychotherapy. In a short amount of time, I had to take an emotional journey and dig out those stubborn emotions that want to stay in hiding. On my way back from this journey, I know what I need to do to continue improving my communication skills. In addition, the self-knowledge I gained has made me a happier teacher, able to communicate with children and their families with a lot more confidence, tolerance and compassion.

I would like to end this blog with a quote that Sha-Kevia, one of my classmates, posted on her discussion board (Laureate, Inc., 2013). I also looked up the quote online to find more information about Robbins.

To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

  -Anthony Robbins (Goodreads, Inc., 2013)

Reference

Robbins, A., 2013. “Anthony Robbins > Quotes > Retrieved from: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/152284-to-effectively-communicate-we-must-realize-that-we-are-all

Stage Five of Team Development - Adjourning

The first picture illustrates what the perfect adjourning phase looks like in my mind. Everyoneconcurs on a job well done, a job where everyone contributed to the best of their ability, where lasting relationships have been developed and could be reignited anytime. Everyone is saddened to part after such an exciting time spent together on the completion of a project. However, everyone feels fully satisfied with their job performance and the new deep connections in their lives (Abudi, 2010). Food and music punctuate a short last speech from the program director hailing everyone and no one in particular for having completed a difficult task and resolving all hurdles one at a time showing cohesion from the beginning to the end of the project (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012).

 

 

 

The second picture represents how the aforementioned meeting actually adjourns, with one knock of a gavel. According to the University of Idaho “the gavel is a sign of leadership that helps members to understand what is happening”, therefore it is up to the leader to call for the adjournment of the meeting in a clear tap of the gavel symbolically entrusting the earth with the powerful energy displayed in the completion of the project (uidaho.edu, n. d.). End of story! Make place for another one!

 

 

 

 

In my experience, groups that have been hardest to leave are clearly those where issues were still unresolved. One leaves wondering why the group dismantled when issues were still at hand, and does not clearly understand the motives of the leadership (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012). When a team reached its climax bringing a project to fruition, an organic feeling (to use a current expression) of completion helps the team separate with an understanding that the bonds created during the project are sustainable (Abudi, 2010).

 Regarding saying good-bye to the colleagues I have had the privilege to work with on the early childhood studies’ master program; I hope to be able to go to the graduation ceremony if there is one. Our adjourning will in fact be a first face to face meeting, almost as if the group were at its forming stage, except that past history will have bonded us through exchanges of true feelings, feelings that have not been corrupted by the illusion of eye sight too often influenced by cultural biases. In my mind, adjourning is only a ritual as far as it regularly occurs at the conclusion of projects.   

Adjourning is as necessary as saying good-bye in the sense that it provides closure. When team members have the opportunity to participate in a wrapping meeting, those team members have a chance to share what worked, what did not, bid farewell to their colleagues, and express last thoughts such as saying a few words of appreciation or apologizing for something that would otherwise be left hanging and provide a feeling of unfinished business.

Since I have developed a relationship with each one of my classmates, ending a class is always difficult. Through their writings, I imagine who my classmates are and benefit from their courage, sensitivities, perseverance, and encouragement. When a colleague I have worked with in a previous class is enrolled in a new class, I know that colleague will support me and I can count on them. This is a feeling I was not expecting to have prior to taking online classes.

 

References

Abudi, G. (2010). The five stages of team development: A case study. Retrieved from http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/the-five-stages-of-team-development-a-case-study.html
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
uidaho.edu. n. d. The Use of the Gavel. Retrieved from: http://www.uidaho.edu/exit//~/media/Files/orgs/CALS/Department/AEE/Curriculum/Curriculum%20guides/400%20and%20above/410/Unit%204/403%207%20Use%20of%20a%20Gavel.ashx
 

Magda Gerber's 3 R's and Nonviolent Communication To Teachers' Rescue



It was the beginning of the school year and at a new school. The teacher planned on using acquired experience and knowledge to figure out students’ skills, difficulties, and school culture. In addition to relying on past experience, teachers’ meetings would be an important venue to unravel students’ stories. In teachers’ meetings, our teacher was surprised to hear stories teachers would start but never finish them. Our teacher assumed that the hushed parts of stories needed to stay unspoken because nobody could do anything about it.

 

                                        Clear Communication

Our teacher created their own curriculum according to the teaching method they were hired to deliver.  Fairly soon, the teacher realized that levels in each were unmanageable. This could have been remedied by extracurricular activities such as meeting outside of class time or during recess, lunch time, or after school. Nothing of that was possible for reasons outside of the teacher’s control. 

Clearly, lack of communication left the teacher with growing anxiety. Starting to doubt their self-efficacy, the first observation went wrong (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p. 51). Strangely, events seemed as though to have been set before the observation. During following interactions with the administration, the teacher continued to see with more acuity and stepped to both sides (The Third Side, n. d.). However, miscommunication continued.
 

Obviously, the missing skill from the teacher’s strategy was speaking from the Thirdside and “transform conflicts into opportunities for collaboration” (The Thirdside, n., d.). Speaking from the Thirdside implies that one can “interrupt constructively, affirm interests of the whole, and support a triple win” (The Thirdside).

Moreover, the teacher would have greatly benefitted from the Conflict Resolution Network advising to use appropriate assertiveness to express needs and ideas, dispelling any wrong perceptions (CRN, n. d.). The Conflict Resolution Network recommends to:

“Use an "I" statement when you need to let the other person know you are feeling strongly about the issue. Others often underestimate how hurt or angry or put out you are, so it's useful to say exactly what's going on for you - making the situation appear neither better nor worse i.e. your "I" statement should be "clear" (CR Kit, n. d.).

All in all, it was up to the teacher to rebalance the power dynamics by speaking up and communicating assertively their observations and needs (O’Hair, & Wiemann, 2012). The Center for Nonviolent Communication offers “concrete skills for manifesting the purpose of creating connections of compassionate giving and receiving based in a consciousness of interdependence and power with others. These skills include:

1.     “Differentiating observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us;

2.     Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment;

3.     Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e.g. sustenance, trust, understanding) in us that are being met or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling; and

4.     Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want (rather than what we don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving)” (NVC, 2013).

Practice makes perfect!

References

CNVC. (2013). Training. foundations of NVC. Retrieved from: http://www.cnvc.org/learn/nvc-foundations
Conflict Resolution Network. n. d. Retrieved from:
http://www.crnhq.org/pages.php?pID=12#skill_3
O'- Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St.Martin's.
The Third Side. n. d. Retrieved from:
http://www.thirdside.org/